With Fastlane coming this weekend, and Wrestlemania right around the corner, I've spent a lot of time thinking of what to feed the people that will be watching the PPVs with me. Ok, I'm watching it alone, so what should I feed myself? Sure, I could order a pizza, or I could pick a few of the ridiculously named recipes from the WWE Cookbook and try my hand at cooking for myself.
Releasing in a couple of weeks, the WWE Cookbook pairs wrestling superstars with meals you can make at home. Upon first glance, this isn't your typical tie-in cookbook. It's written by Allison Robicelli, a James Beard-nominated best-selling author, so there's an actual chef behind all of this. The recipes range from complex to simple using both familiar and unfamiliar ingredients.
However, the shining star of this book is the recipe names. Here are the ones listed on the back of the book:
- D-Generation Eggs
- Brutus The Barber Beefcakes
- Nacho Man Randy Savage
- Aiden English Muffin Pizzas
I picked out two of my favorite recipe titles in the book--neither of which are listed above--and went on a journey to create these food items and try to become Kofi Kingston's best friend. How would I become the New Day member's bestie? Obviously, through cooking. Here's what I made, how I did it, and how I wish I wasn't cooking for one person only.
If you're interested in the WWE Cookbook, it is available for preorder. It comes out on March 19.
Coffee Kingston
There were plenty of drinks in the cookbook that were a play on a WWE superstar's name, like Coffee Kingston and Ginger Mahal on the next page. However, I wanted to find something that would be easy to make, not use a lot of ingredients, and have a bit of alcohol in it.
More importantly, look at that picture of Kofi. He's pointing at me, subtly saying, "I'll be your friend if you make this drink." Seeing as though I am cooking for myself, I could use more friends. Kofi, hit me up after you read this. Also, good luck at Wrestlemania.
The Ingredients
Coffee Kingston is a combination of things I don't normally ingest: whole milk, instant espresso, rum, and whipped cream. I have rum. At numerous points in my adult existence, I drank said rum, but I couldn't tell you the last time I dove into that bottle. It's probably years old.
Anyway, what's nice about this drink is that it's simplistic and really quick to make. Well, all drinks should be quick to make. I cannot stand cocktail bars that take 20 minutes to fashion together something with a convoluted backstory. The history behind Coffee Kingston is probably something like, "Kofi wants to be your friend but will only do so if you drink this."
Mix It Good
So you throw all these ingredients into your mixer and mix away. The whole time this is happening, that picture of Kofi just looks back at you, reassuring you that everything is going to be alright, once you have a sip of that sweet drink.
How Was Coffee Kingston?
After the concoction comes out of the mixer, you pour it into a cup and top it with whipped cream and some sprinkled espresso. Look, you don't need to put the finish product in a WWE glass, but I had to choose between Finn Balor or Paul Stanley from KISS, and personally, I believe this was the better option.
Sadly, Coffee Kingston wasn't my cup of tea. It tasted alright, but it was a bit too dairy for my liking. It is incredibly easy to make, and it's something you could pump out quick if you have people over, but as a person who drank half of this, sitting alone at my kitchen table, I'd rather have a beer. Sorry, Kofi. I hope I didn't fail you.
Ease to make: 10/10 (That's real easy)
Taste: 4/10 (Meh)
Oh Hell Yams
When this book was first sent to me, and I flipped through it, I stopped on this page and laughed for a few minutes. I then proceeded to text my wrestling friends about "Oh Hell Yams." How could I pass up to opportunity to create this dish, which easily has the best name in the entire book?
This recipe isn't incredibly complex, though. It doesn't have a lot of ingredients and while it's cooking on the oven, I can take time to myself to ponder life's unanswered questions/play GM Mode for Smackdown vs. Raw 2007.
The Worst Part Of This Experience
Upon selecting my yams (sweet potatoes), I quickly realized that I would have to peel and cut them up because I'm not fancy like Rocky Balboa and I don't own a robot that can do things like deliver birthday cakes or peel and cut tubers for me. One day, Mat. One day.
Well, That Was Painful
After spending what felt like an eternity peeling and cubing these sweet potatoes, I took this picture. This was a large accomplishment for me, as it was tedious and had a fun factor of -50--the lowest fun factor score I can give.
Toss Those Yams
Scoring a fun factor of 30, you toss the ingredients and yams in a bowl. This action makes you feel pretty cool and accomplished. "Look at me! I didn't drop one cubed yam," I yelled throughout my kitchen, only to lower my head in shame, as I realized I was alone.
Throw In Hot Box, Go Play Video Games
The best part about cooking anything is the moment you toss something in the oven and walk away. The stresses of having to cook something edible for yourself and loved ones are gone, and you can have a moment to yourself. In this case, I had 25 minutes before I had to flip the potatoes. Then, I got another 20 minutes. It almost felt like this recipe cared about my well-being, even if that picture of Stone Cold screamed, "Screw this up, and I'll rush into your house and give you a Stunner."
How Was Oh Hell Yams?
After everything came out of the oven, I was truly surprised with the aroma. It smelled great. I felt like I could pat myself on the back for creating something that wasn't burned or visually appalling. If someone else was home, I'd ask them to thank me for filling kitchen with a smell that wasn't putrid.
When it comes to Oh Hell Yams, I was surprised with how good it was. The cayenne pepper adds a little kick at the end of each bite, which is a nice little addition to the traditional sweet potato side you normally eat. I probably should have closed the book while eating it, as that picture of Stone Cold put a scar on my soul, judging me with every bite.
Ease to make: 6/10
Taste: 9/10
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